I've always struggled with my identity.
Here are some facts about me before I delve deeper:
- I'm Chinese
- I'm Black (I think the reason behind me capitalizing this is because it's equally important to me as the other things that I am, in this context it's not a color)
- I'm Native American (tiny tiny tiny part) : Iroquois, whatchu know
- I was born.raised.and reside on the Mattapan/Dorchester line
- I was a METCO student since K1; Belmont Public Schools
Growing up was tough for me for a slew of reasons but I'll "tread lightly" on a few of em. My neighborhood, contrary to popular belief is pretty damn safe. We're a tight-knit neighborhood, people rarely move and if/when they do they are surely missed. Everyone looks out for one another's well-being and property and we generally all get along. Explaining to my best friends that I wasn't going to school with them proved to be a little difficult; mainly because I didn't really understand why until much later.
Elementary school was a piece of cake. You got nap time, multiple snacks, recess was a given, and it was cool to read books in your spare time. Everything seemed so cool because you were just seeing.doing.experiencing it for the first time. And then middle school happened.
Suddenly my friends at home and I were starting to grow apart, but for a reason I couldn't quite put my finger on. I was teased on the reg, with names I've never even heard of (frizzy face was a personal favorite)
The last time I checked I didn't need your approval that I am what I say I am, that kind of judgement is strictly reserved for the government lol. But in all honesty I understand the whole "needing to put each other in a box" thing. I get it. What I don't get is why when I tell you I am in fact Chinese you're first reaction is to say no you're not, or I don't believe you. Part of me just laughs it off but the other part is desperately trying not to deck you in the face.
The moment I started becoming comfortable with the skin that I'm in, was the moment I was free. It was around my freshman year in high school that I stopped giving a damn what others thought about me. I not only got over their silly remarks or snide comments but I got over myself. Growing up I tried to fit in, but if you saw pictures of my hair growing up, there was no way that was happening. It wasn't until I started becoming more self-aware that the annoying voices, once at a yelling level, reduced to a quiet lull, and eventually faded into the background.
I'm not speaking for mixed.interracial."halvsies".biracial.multiracial people. I'm just speaking for me. Kibbee Lee Miller. I'm Chinese, Black, Native American. The amounts of each aren't any more important than the order of my previous statement. I am who I am, and I'm proud of it. My race.ethnicity.nationality really don't have much to do with who I am as a human. But I will say this. One day there will be more and more people like me out there, and pretty soon we will be the norm. So you can take your judgements and your perfectly pedigreed family and shove it have a nice day (kidding).
we are tomorrow people.
keep it raw.